After last night, I could never be a politician.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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