I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
