I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
