What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
