watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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