i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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