you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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