well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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