Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
