Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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