happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
