All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You ruined the universe
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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