idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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