All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.