last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
