Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.