Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?