Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.