Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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