so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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