he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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