He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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