I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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