I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
