I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize