Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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