I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
