Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
