It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
