Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
