Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
