the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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