I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
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fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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