your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...