so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.