I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.