I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I smell like Dick and happiness