Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE