I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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