If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
