I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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