Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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