so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
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he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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