I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Pants are for mortals
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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