I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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