So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize