he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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