ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
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Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
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apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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