they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
