Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
BRING THE BAGELS