i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.