that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.