He is such a slut. More and more my type.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.