his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party