And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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