i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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