:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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