Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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