hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish you could order shots online.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
