If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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