I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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