look no pants
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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