if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
